Six Signs You've Just Been Forcibly Sodomized

1. You were awake, alert and severely in the moment when someone whom you had not invited, or otherwise indicated to that you were partial to spur of the moment sodomy, sodomized you. 
2. You are crying and sitting in a shower stall.
3. You keep getting points and laughs while wearing your favorite white hip-hugger pants.
4. You are in a gritty French film and are too beautiful to walk to the club by yourself. 
5. Your stance and gate are wide and deep enough that you could easily step over a lamppost without breaking stride.
6. You were asking for it. You know who you are.