Dear Honorable Madam Senator of Delaware:
You got a lot of nerve! Do you know that? Your cavalier and sycophantic attitude with regards to the ever-growing lesbian-vegetarian-Wiccan lobby is totally unacceptable and will invariably lead to the downfall of everything I hold dear in this, our great country. I simply will not abide any further action on your part with regards to this issue unless it is a complete reversal of your policy stance. Your careless position will bring nothing less than naked lesbians eating veggies and casting spells outside my son’s Preschool. How can you sleep at night?
Sincerely,
Concerned Citizen
Dear Concerned Citizen,
Thank you greatly for your input and concern with regards to this issue. I assure you that I have taken your position under advisement and will consider it greatly when next faced with a decision in the area of your concern. Thank you again for your input.
Sincerely,
The Honorable Madam Senator of Delaware
Dear Honorable Madam Senator of Delaware:
I simply refuse to be fobbed off with a form letter. It is irresponsible and frankly very rude and unkind when I am pouring my heart out on a point of such grave and dire importance. Just this morning a couple of hairy lesbians pelted my car with Guava fruit and turned my cat from Black to white with large black spots. It’s barely the same cat. Answer me, damnit! Answer me in kind or…I just don’t know what I might do!
Sincerely,
Dear Growingly Angered Citizen,
Thank you greatly for your input and concern with regards to this issue. I assure you that I have taken your position under advisement and will consider it greatly when next faced with a decision in the area of your concern. Thank you again for your input. I trust that no further correspondence will be necessary as I am very aware of your position and concern.
Sincerely,
The Honorable Madam Senator of Delaware
Dear Former Madam Senator of Delaware:
What nerve you have! Sitting up there on your high horse, looking down at all of us poor peasants getting pelted with fruit salads and barely ripened mini-pumpkins. Have you ever been smacked in the temple with a mini-pumpkin? I doubt it. It hurts REAL BAD! Wait…maybe I have it all wrong. You’re not just in with the lesbian-veggie-Wiccan lobby. You are one, aren’t you? I can’t believe it! I’ve been speaking with the enemy the whole time and now you’re after me? How will I go? Tell me? Will it be a watermelon from above when I least expect it? Well, not if I get to you first. You can be gotten to, you veggie witch! Don’t think I can’t get to you. Rot in hell! Or whatever place of punishment you witches believe in!
Sincerely,
You’re not going to get me Bitch!
Dear You’re Not Going to Get Me Bitch!,
Thank you greatly for your input and concern with regards to this issue. I assure you that I have taken your position under advisement and will consider it greatly when next faced with a decision in the area of your concern. Thank you again for your input. I trust that no further correspondence will be necessary as I am very aware of your position and concern. Please stop writing. Seriously! It’s getting weird.
Sincerely,
The Honorable Madam Senator of Delaware
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